


Space Oddity

by LeeMac



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Bad Code, F/F, Gay Disasters, Highly Competent Dumbasses, If That's Your Sense of Humor, Kinky Root, Root Likes Experimenting, Root is a Dumbass, Shaw Does Not Like Root's Solo Experiments, Shaw Puts Up With Some Shit, Some Humor, Stupid Kink, The Machine is a Bad Enabler, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Useless Robot Overlord, WTF Brain, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22816693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeMac/pseuds/LeeMac
Summary: Root decides to do some "experimenting" alone (The Machine is with her, of course, but isn't much physical help) while Shaw is a mission. Lucky for her, Shaw gets back in time.
Relationships: Root/Sameen Shaw, The Machine/Root
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Space Oddity

**Author's Note:**

> There is no explicit sex in here at all, but there is a Stupid Kinky Root doing unbelievably stupid dangerous things that NO-ONE should THINK of emulating.
> 
> And she has a badass, medically-competent Shaw who can hijack a vehicle, drive like a maniac causing untold property damage, and get there before anything permanent happens—which, if you're lucky, takes **up to** 6 minutes. Root was lucky.
> 
> Do not think of doing anything like this. Do not. Shaw will kill you herself before you succeed, OK?

"Root. Root."

Root slowly surfaces into consciousness to the sound of Sameen's voice. A lovely way to wake up. Her lips quirk into a sideways smile as she tries to remember what she and Shaw had been up to. It must have been really, _really_ good. But why is she lying on a hard concrete floor? And what is this bulky plasticky thing she's wearing...

 _Oh._ Uh-oh.

She registers at that moment that The Machine is sending a non-stop stream of status update requests into her implant, and she sends Her a quick subvocal `OK` response, just as Shaw sighs impatiently.

"I saw that dumbass smile, Root, and your Robot Overlord has finally stopped with the `Analog Interface offline` SMSes. So you're okay. Or at least conscious. Talk."

Root opens her eyes and waits for the black sparkly effect to dissipate from her vision. Pretty, but disconcerting. She cautiously wiggles fingers and toes—toes are a little numb and tingly, but the sensation lessens as she moves them around. Probably no permanent nerve damage. Good.

Shaw—wasn't she on a mission downtown?—gives another irritated sigh and removes her fingers from Root's neck, where Root belatedly realises Shaw had been taking her pulse.

"Heart rate's back over 60. You'll probably continue your cockroach-like existence if you haven't fried anything neurological," Shaw grumbles. "I nearly busted my own ass trying to get back here with Siri's SMSes screaming at me."

An edge of impatience enters her tone. "And if you're not gonna tell me what the hell is going on here, Root, I've got better things to do right now than play nurse."

She flips shut the knife lying on the floor by Root, stashes it away, and shifts as if to get up from her crouch. Root hastily tilts to her head to look into Shaw's dark eyes. Maybe, due the wave of dizziness from moving her head, she has a somewhat pathetic look on her face. The scowl on Shaw's stays firmly in place, but the rest of her also stays put, for now. Her eyes narrow a fraction and flick to Root's cheeks and chest. Probably just to check on her circulation, sadly.

Root gently coughs a couple of times to clear her throat. It's a little dry, no surprise. "I'm sorry if I gave you a fright, sweetie," she begins.

"A _fright?!_ " growls Shaw, her eyes like twin black holes of rage as they snap back to Root's face. "I don't get frightened. I get pissed off when a stupid-ass nerd seals themselves into a stupid spacesuit—"

"These Soviet-era cosmonaut suits came up on AliExpress and I—"

"—had the unbelievably stupid idea of filling it up with _nitrogen gas_ with you _in it_ —"

"—thought that it might be hot to—"

Shaw blinks, once. "— _hot_? Oh god, it's not even some stupid assassin nerd experiment—"

"—not for assassination these days, so much as—"

"—an _experiment_ with _getting off_ on some light _gas asphyxiation_?"

Root fleetingly wonders whether she could bounce a quarter off Sameen's face right now, given its granite-like rigidity, but she forces her attention back to the current problem.

"Well, yes," admits Root, somewhat subdued, looking down sadly at the cut running the full length of the spacesuit's torso. The helmet is by Bear's bed, several yards away. Root assumes Shaw had simply let go of it after wrenching it from the locking ring, and rotational momentum had carried it to its current resting place.

Several seconds of sticky silence tick by.

"And _you_ , you idiotic lump of silicon," Shaw eventually grits through her teeth, staring down the nearest blinking camera. " _You_ thought this _experimentation_ with a lethal quantity of gas in an airtight envelope with a _human_ inside was a great idea?"

Perhaps thinking discretion is the better part of valour, The Machine doesn't SMS Shaw in response, but sends a quick burst in their code to Root.

"Fine," says Root, shortly. She cautiously sits up—not too many sparkles—and looks apologetically at Sameen. "She says I need to do the explaining."

"...And of course I want to," she adds quickly, seeing Shaw's fingers twitch with the urge to _hurt_ something. Her, probably.

Shaw abruptly gets up and walks away to prop her ass against Finch's desk, possibly to remove herself from temptation. She folds her arms and glares down at Root, who elects to stay sitting where she is for now. It's probably hopeless to expect that the more lowly position will subtly influence Shaw's mood while Root makes her explanation.

But you never know.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't even THINK about it. I did, and look what happened. A terrible, bad story because I couldn't get the stupid scenario out of my head.
> 
> By the way, Root did have a little Arduino-controlled servo motor hooked up to the gas valve on the nitrogen tank, but it didn't have enough torque to shut the valve when she passed out. Because Root had been so excited by the idea of the spacesuit, and of her _and_ The Machine having some fun (TM is no innocent here-that's who the valve control motor was for, ahem), that she didn't test it while it was actually hooked up to the tank. Or consider a physical failsafe. She did have the sense to only open the valve a little way - well, less "sense" than wanting to make it last longer - so at least there was still some oxygen in the suit when she conked out.
> 
> So stupid, the pair of them. As is anyone else who comes up with such idiotic ideas >koff<


End file.
